Mud Vein

18246727

By: Tarryn Fisher

I couldn’t write a review for this book and the reason has nothing to with not liking it, but rather liking it too much. I do not believe that there is any way my words could do justice to this story. For me Mud Vein was powerful and painful. Fisher’s amazing writing, creates a story that is so strong in its beliefs and messages, as the reader you will be torn to shreds. Through unparalleled explanation and description by Fisher, your instinct to empathise will be pushed beyond understanding and when it is over you will feel like you have run a marathon; heart beating rapidly, pulse beating out of time, words caught in your throat… your body and mind are in too much shock to respond. You’ve forever been altered.

To capture the essence of this story and the intricacy of the two main characters; Senna and Isaac, you have to understand this is not a love story and there is no happy ever after. Rather this book is about personal perception, familial heartache love, loss, trauma, pain and the ever changing yet everlasting affects these have on you and your future decisions.

To explain my emotions and my understanding, I have chosen to write a love letter from Isaac to Senna.

Hope you feel what I felt…

“It’s your darkness that pulls me in. Your mud vein. But sometimes having a mud vein will kill you.” 

Dear Senna,

I Love You, I Miss you, and I’m Sorry

I Love You, I Miss you, and I’m Sorry

I Love You, I Miss you, and I’m Sorry

 I don’t know where to start. I feel like we needed more time, I needed more time with you.  YOU needed more time, when we were together in that hideous place, you and me – all day, every day, it never felt like we had enough time… and now we have no time.

I wanted us to have forever. I used to close my eyes and imagine the possibilities. I prayed to anyone that would listen – I wanted the chance to just be… to just be with you.  

Who was I kidding? It’s never been in the cards for us. You and I, separately we were so broken and so damaged. I remember looking in your eyes and realising as empty as your stare was, that I had never felt so attune to anyone else… ever. I was hollow, my heart and mind barren, attempting to grow life but couldn’t quite get there. Trying to claw out of the pits of hell and pass the time with mundane, everyday life.

  In the darkness of the world I found you.

I told you once “There is a string that connects us that is not visible to the eye. Maybe every person has more than one soul they are connected to, and all over the world there are these invisible strings. Maybe the chances that you’ll find each and every one of your soulmates is slim. But sometimes you’re lucky enough to stumble across one. And feel a tug. And it’s not so much a choice to love them through their flaws and through your differences, but rather you love them without even trying. You love their flaws.” You didn’t believe me then but I hope now you know, I had no say in my soul choosing you. It was always you.

I found likeness in you. The darkness about yourself you found so unappealing, the need to control and isolate. Your incessant need to damage yourself with so much self-loathing. The scars… oh the scars! They hurt the most.

My heart bleeds for you, my soul aches for you, being around you was like falling off a cliff into an ocean of uncertainty and danger, but enjoying the thrill nonetheless.

All the pain and suffering you endured. I did too.

How could you not see I didn’t want to fix you? I knew you were broken, I knew you had been shattered into a million pieces. A puzzle that has way more pieces missing then those that put it together. I didn’t want more then what you were offering.

I just wanted to be with you.

To.

Just.

Be.

In the very last second of my life, I will think of you.

 I Love You, I Miss you, and I’m Sorry

I Love You, I Miss you, and I’m Sorry

I Love You, I Miss you, and I’m Sorry

 

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